The Midlife

The pandemic has brought certain pet peeves of mine to the surface. I share a few examples, mainly for your mild entertainment and/or to see if we have some commonalities.

Smart phones are not people, people! Part of the reason the movie Her (with my beloved Joaquin Phoenix) weirded some viewers is because smart phones, while a great technological advance, can’t replace human contact. Case in point: Last week, I was in Outback Steakhouse (also, beloved) for the first time since I can’t remember how long. As the hostess guided us to our table, we were brought to one that had been jury-rigged to form two tables. It had its “leaf” removed. (You know the part of your dining room table that often gets added on for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners and currently lives under our bed?) As I sat down and thought about whether it was too early to drink a glass of wine with dinner, the three-party family seated next to us turned into a party of four as they chatted with someone on speaker phone. “Look, it’s like you’re right here. I propped you right next to our brown bread and Bloomin’ Onion!” Yes, kind server, I will have a glass on wine.

Ugh… as I scanned the restaurant, I wondered if I had suddenly entered The Third Realm or an alternate apocalypse because everyone seemed to be on their phones. Maybe they were sharing pictures or checking their work schedules or worse, playing video games while eating in public. Why weren’t these patrons engaging with the person right in front of them? Starting an eating contest to see who could polish off their brown bread first? As I am contemplating the end of decorum and manners as I know it, I look up to see my husband and daughter staring at his phone and “her” phone (his old phone). They were looking at pictures and playing video games. Grr.

The pandemic has done a number on our social skills. We’ve forgotten how to talk in person and be more present. And by we, I mean Not Me. I’m that annoying person who could not wait to talk to actual humans about anything because all I had engaged with were pets and my 6 year old. And I swear I’m an introvert. But there is only so much house decluttering, finishing Netflix, and gaining weight you can do. And by you can do, I mean I Did. People really do need people.

Your mask goes on over your nose. If I have to breath like Darth Vader under my mask for public health protocols, so do you.

If you’re making a U-turn or having a door held for you, please thank the person behind you. This was a pre-pandemic peeve of mine, but makes me more irritable now. It’s probably the lack of oxygen to my brain because of my mask combined with the still-hot late summer temperatures. The other day, the car in front of me did a a complete U-turn in the middle of the road, causing the car behind (me) to pause for at least 45 seconds or more, and his hand did not go up in the universal wave for thanks. Did the universal wave for thanks to drivers go away? Similarly, I opened the door for a 20-ish couple on their way into 7Eleven. Did they say thank you? Nope. Perhaps they were royalty, and I was unaware. May the Slurpee machine be out of their favorite flavor was a serious thought coursing through my head.

Goodbye high-fives! This is one thing I won’t declare a peeve but a celebration. I hate high-fives. Perhaps the pandemic put an end to them, and I’m not mad about it. I never know when to go in for one properly and so the contact is sometimes off. So what was supposed to be cool becomes an awkward exchange. Plus, 62% of the time my hands are slightly sweaty, so high-fiving becomes a friendship ender of sorts. If you ever come in to high-five me, don’t be surprised if I meet your hand with my elbow or fist bump instead. You’ve been warned.

So dear reader, now it’s your turn. What are your pandemic peeves or peeves in general? I would love to hear from you at themidlife2021@gmail.com or in the comments below. Hope your Sunday is epic!