The Midlife

Yesterday, we took our daughter to have her first manicure, which was then followed by a pedicure. Sixty dollars and an hour later, she described the experience as “heavenly.” Her experience had me thinking about heaven and what I would imagine it would be. Here are my thoughts.

Before I go any further and in keeping with a mortality-ish theme, I am recommending Netflix’s limited docuseries Live to 100: Secrets from The Blue Zones. Host Dan Buettner travels the world to find places that boast the most centenarians and shares their secrets for long and healthy living.

As a person of faith, I do believe there is some version of heaven. I would like to think there is more to life on Earth then dying and nothing happening. I believe in God and being welcomed into His kingdom and everlasting life. But I don’t imagine it’s just white light and angels.

My version of heaven would be an amusement park-like speed slide through white lights and a joyous sensory experience (including a euphoric feeling of tranquility, mixed with the scents of pecan pie fresh from the oven). For an indeterminate amount of time, you are sliding through life to afterlife until you arrive to your forever destination: heaven.

Heaven isn’t clouds and white robes, except for God greeting you at the gates. If you lived a mostly good life (meaning, you didn’t hurt too many people or do too many irresponsible things), you enter much like using a Disney Fast Pass. If you were a semi-fallible person and have to explain a few things for entry, you are guided off to the side, where after some short pleas and evidentiary support of your stupidity and contrition, you can enter. I’m hoping for the Heavenly Fast Pass. Also, upon entry I am handed a Pumpkin Spice Latte (regardless of season).

To me, heaven would be a five-star million acres resort where all of my favorite foods are available 24/7. There are no calories, and dessert at breakfast is the norm, not an exception. Walking the grounds of thousands of activities and amusements are all in one place and the only exercise you’ll ever need. For example, you can do volunteer work benefitting Earthlings and your living loved ones, play pickleball with new friends, get a scalp massage, swim with dolphins, and embark on a LGBQTIA+ sunset cruise complete with drag Bingo — all in one fabulous location.

You would reunite with those that brought you the most joy: long-lost relatives, old pets, and the occasional frenemy or former flame giving you an overdue apology. That’s heavenly, to me.

What happens when you die? No one knows, although theories abound. I hope I don’t learn about it for decades to come. As Americans, we often want to know what’s coming, but perhaps in this case, maybe ignorance is bliss. Maybe we think an endless season of everything going right and little wrong would lose its appeal and make life boring. Perhaps it’s in the everyday challenges and obstacles we overcome, that we come into contact with the true beauty of resilience and its resulting joy. That days full of sunshine can’t exist without the occasional rainfall.

Now, dear reader: Please tell me what you find heavenly. Email me at themidlife2021@gmail.com. Or leave a comment. Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Best wishes for a great week ahead!