The Midlife

Me and the woman I love most.

I am on week three of my annual long vacation. I don’t say this to brag. I’m here to reflect with some gratitude and humor. Stay with me.

For the past few years, I take leave in July, as a reset. I’ve been working since I was 14, and I am one of those work harder, not smarter individuals most of the time. I go until I burn out. I tend to put work above all (minus my family) in the form of sweat and intention. I have the lady in the photo to thank for that. She instilled in me that any job should be done right. And I have interpreted that to mean, help others even if it makes you tired mentally. So, here we are.

Because nothing says reset like a 17 hours-long road trip to Florida. And while the ride down is exciting with the open road and car snacks, the return is more like a tedious reminder of how I like to do stupid things sometimes and because I am a little afraid of air travel these days.

I started off with a brief visit with my mom. She’s in a nursing home right now, and while that guts me on a certain level, I know that she’s in good care, has a pretty spacious room, and is not being seen as a burden to anyone there.

I love hanging out with my mom because she doesn’t really care what we do. We can sit and watch a movie (This time, we watched Girls Trip and laughed a lot.) or just sit and talk. My mom doesn’t shame me for being a little left of center or for cursing sometimes. I can truly feel seen as my authentic self, and I’m grateful. She’s lovely and funny, and appreciates my affinity for The Outback Steakhouse, which we both indulged in for dinner. Saying goodbye to her before heading to my sister’s place proved hard. But I take solace in knowing she isn’t being ignored.

Again, I’m three hours in a car, and I’m with my ride-or-die sister. I really hit the lottery when it comes to sisters. She’s smart, beautiful, hilarious, nurturing, an amazing cook, a wonderful spouse and mother, potty-mouthed sometimes, selfless, and lovable. We ate merrily, drank good wine, worked out together, and laughed really hard.

During our visit, we headed to Blizzard Beach, one of Disney’s water parks, Nothing says perfect combo like Florida in July and cold water. (Actually, the weather gods were smiling on us with the delivery of a slightly overcast atmosphere. Win!) My nephew, daughter, brother-in-law and I decided it would be a good idea to get on this poop-inducing water slide known as the Summit Plummet. It’s a free fall lasting less than 10 seconds and had me going to the bathroom twice afterward. (I don’t recall ever having a bowel movement at an amusement park until this time.) As someone who is trying to conquer her deep fear of heights, I was proud of myself. And proud of my daughter who almost changed her mind about the descent. Almost, I said. Another win!

There was solace in the long drive home after a beautiful, family time-rich trip: Two weeks to recover awaited me. And by recover, I really mean that long car rides aren’t my usual jam. I’m a nervous driver in general and because I shared some of the driving with my car-driving loving husband, it meant I was recovering from feeling some major discomfort for hours at a stretch. It’s not that I hate driving, it’s more about being scared of tractor trailers and whether their drivers are checking their blind spots for me. And I absolutely am unnverved by tow trucks with about six cars loaded up on them. Like, how can you be sure they are truly secure and not going to fly off like a stunt scene in Mission Impossible or something?

Last week, was really about decompressing, being lazy, and sitting in the AC and utilizing my mortgage payments. I haven’t set my alarm or planned much, albeit an impromptu walk to our community pool or breakfast visit with friends. Nothing stressful.

I am on week three and reflecting about life and work life, specifically. I’m making a vow to myself and to those who love me most. I’m looking for more balance, a steadiness. Every day at work doesn’t have to be full force to be fulfilling. It won’t make me less ambitious to look for vacation-type moments in between my time away from the office. It’s OK to say, No or I can’t, right now. Or ever. No one can fault me for protecting my time and my peace.

Finally, some last takeaways. it’s OK to learn the ones you thought were once heroes have surpassed the privilege. People change, myself included. The best advice is to see what they’re doing and do the right thing. In the end, the right thing isn’t always easy or popular. Let’s normalize the beauty of doing less and nothing. There’s great value in sitting or standing still, giving mult-tasking a rest. What do you think?